CHAPTER 3. How Are Your Feelings

KARKAT: IT’S NOT LIKE WE ACTUALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO WAKE UP FOR.

KARKAT: GO BACK TO BED.

DAVE: no dude im up fuck it

DAVE: i want coffee

KARKAT: FUCK! FINE! FUCK IT.

KARKAT: I NEED TO USE THE GAPER ANYWAY.

DAVE: oh me too

KARKAT: DON’T FOLLOW ME.

ROXY: oh what up

ROXY: its a whole ass pajama party up in here

ROXY: couldnt sleep??

KARKAT: JADE WOKE US UP BY BEING CREEPY.

ROXY: oh

ROXY: jade why did u do that

KARKAT: WHAT?

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US!

ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess

ROXY: it be like that

KARKAT: I PREFERRED WHEN ALL SHE DID WAS FLOAT AROUND AND POINT AT SHIT.

KARKAT: AT LEAST THAT WAS QUIET.

DAVE: yall want coffee

ROXY: sure

KARKAT: YEAH, THANKS.

DAVE: hate to give it up to venture capitalism but this coffee is EONS better than the garbage we had on the meteor

DAVE: this ship is maybe the dumbest thing ive ever looked at but its a give and take right

ROXY: maybe u just developed a taste for it

ROXY: i used to think coffee tasted like ass but drinkin it was another thing i felt like my mom woulda done

ROXY: turns out rose drinks tea and i stockholmed my own dumb butt into liking this addictive bean juice

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now

ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away

ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances"

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this

DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad

DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there

DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

KANAYA: Hello Dave

DAVE: sup

DAVE: am i buggin you

DAVE: do you want me to leave you to it or

KANAYA: Not Particularly Now That Youre Here

KANAYA: But Shouldnt You Be Asleep

DAVE: shouldnt you

KANAYA: I Need Less Sleep Than I Used To

KANAYA: Less Food Too Which Is Fortunate For The Rest Of You

DAVE: oh right

DAVE: i always forget about the vampire thing because youre already an alien

DAVE: and if somebody tried to sit me down and get me to watch a movie about a vampire alien id be like

DAVE: come on pick a genre

DAVE: except id watch it anyway because lets be honest the only person whod ever try to get me to watch something like that would be karkat

DAVE: and if he can get me to watch serendipity he can get me to watch anything

DAVE: but you get what im saying

KANAYA: Yes

DAVE: rose even told me

DAVE: shit

DAVE: sorry

KANAYA: Its Alright To Say Her Name

DAVE: i just dont want to remind you of that shit if i can avoid it

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else

KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her

KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

KANAYA: Well I See Space And The Corner Of My Shoe Right Now

KANAYA: But Her Too

KANAYA: Shes There In The Glint Of Fluorescence Shining Off The Shoe

KANAYA: And Shes Out There Somewhere In The Sea Of Stars

KANAYA: Which Just Reminds Me Of One Of The Nursery Stories Shed Reserved To Read To Young Broods Of Grubs Back Then

DAVE: oh huh

DAVE: i still kind of have a hard time picturing rose reading to kids

DAVE: maybe a dick thing to say but she doesnt seem like the type

KANAYA: I Understand

KANAYA: Its One Thing To Come Into The Responsibilities Of Adulthood Yourself

KANAYA: And Another To Dwell On Those You Were Once Close To Struggling With Similar Pressures

KANAYA: Growing Up So To Speak

KANAYA: Its Strange

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: so what was the story

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost

DAVE: flower

DAVE: like a plant

KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave

DAVE: right

KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her

KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along

KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

KANAYA: The Story Comments On The Nature Of Friendship

KANAYA: And Of Course In Turn Love

KANAYA: How Once They Connect There Is No Distance Or Circumstance That Can Seperate Them

KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

KANAYA: Or Something To That Fucking Effect

DAVE: that seems kind of wack for a kids story

KANAYA: Its Possible I Am Projecting Slightly In This Specific Circumstances

KANAYA: It Was Just A Metaphor

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister

KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All

KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

KANAYA: Or Within My Personal Frame Of Reference At Least

KANAYA: And Made Them Her Own In Some Strange Way

KANAYA: So I Cant Help But See Her When I See It At All

KANAYA: Whether Its A Star Or a Lightbulb

KANAYA: They All Just Leave Her Burnt Into My Mind Like The Blazing Imprint Of An Afterimage

DAVE: i mean it sounds like you think its BECAUSE shes a god like shes wielding some kind of cosmic power over you

DAVE: but if it was really true love or w/e

DAVE: would you even know the difference

KANAYA: Hmm

KANAYA: I Guess I Wouldnt

DAVE: would you want to for that matter like isnt feeling that strongly connected kind of how youd want it to be anyway

DAVE: i think its how id want it at least

DAVE: can i sit down

KANAYA: Of Course

KANAYA: Its Not My Observation Deck

DAVE: cool

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell

DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

DAVE: kinda worried about you sis

KANAYA: You Dont Have To Call Me That Anymore

KANAYA: In Fact I Wish You Wouldnt

KANAYA: It Really Hasnt Ever Been Accurate

DAVE: yeah well im pretty sure rose didnt serve you divorce papers before she left on her fucked up father/daughter rp

DAVE: so youre still my sister

DAVE: i mean you could always decide to divorce her yourself but i doubt youre going to find a lawyer in space

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

DAVE: but yeah this whole situation blows

KANAYA: You And Karkat Didnt Have To Come With Me

KANAYA: I Know You Have Your Own Lives And Your Own Matespritship

DAVE: no offense dude but yeah we did

DAVE: i wasnt going to let the only family i have left fly off without me

KANAYA: Roxy Didnt Have To Come Either

DAVE: debatable

DAVE: also i dont just mean roxy did you not just hear my heartwarming insistence that i think of you as my sister

DAVE: and yeah roxy is rad but our relationship is pretty fucking convoluted if were being totally honest

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

DAVE: no stay with me here

DAVE: i know people grow and change and shit its dumb to think you havent improved or whatever since we met ten years ago

DAVE: but rose is gone

DAVE: and roxy isnt gone but he isnt really the same as he was before

DAVE: maybe thats shitty of me to say and im like leaning in to my own internal biases

DAVE: but talking to him feels different

DAVE: and karkat is the same big fucking tool hes always been but our shit is definitely

DAVE: uh

DAVE: different than it was before

DAVE: but yeah you i can always still recognize

KANAYA: I Am Quite Easy To Locate In The Dark

DAVE: heh

DAVE: yeah

KANAYA: Thank You

DAVE: for what

KANAYA: For Reminding Me Why Im Here

DAVE: cool

KANAYA: Since We Are Sharing In This Human Emotion Called Friendship

KANAYA: What About You

DAVE: what about me what

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

DAVE: oh those

DAVE: yeah theyre pretty good

DAVE: not much to say on that front

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad

DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain

DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

DAVE: anyway i forgot what my point was but yeah im fine

DAVE: though what the fuck does that even mean anymore for any of us

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

DAVE: maybe this is better

DAVE: at least this way we cant fuck it up worse

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

DAVE: maybe dirk actually did the smartest thing he could

DAVE: fucking left

KANAYA: Perhaps

KANAYA: But He Did Leave Arguably The Two Worst Possible People In Charge When He Did

DAVE: man i guess

DAVE: but who knows maybe jane will turn out to be a great president

DAVE: maybe without dirks corrupting influence jakes ass will become a symbol of peace and interspecies harmony

DAVE: at least everyone can agree on something

DAVE: shit how does this always happen

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

KANAYA: Not To Suggest Anything Untoward

KANAYA: But You Appear To Be The Unifying Component In All Of These Scenarios

DAVE: could be

DAVE: but all that aside i really do think were better off out here

DAVE: at least i am

ROXY: sooooo

ROXY: do u want pancakes

ROXY: i can make pancakes

KARKAT: DO YOU THINK HE’S OKAY?

ROXY: who

KARKAT: DAVE.

ROXY: idk you know him better than i do

ROXY: actually i think u know him better than anybody might know anybody??

ROXY: you guys are like the real fuckin deal

KARKAT: I GUESS??

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE.

KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU?

ROXY: not rly

KARKAT: EXACTLY.

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

KARKAT: ALL OF YOU LOST YOUR FAMILY. I JUST LOST SOME PEOPLE I SORT OF KNOW.

KARKAT: AND THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE, AND THANK GOD FOR THAT.

KARKAT: FUCK, CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW IT WOULD HAVE SHOOK OUT IF JAKE HADN’T SHIT HIMSELF ONSTAGE?

ROXY: prbly way less smelly

KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW WHY I LET DAVE TALK ME INTO IT. JESUS CHRIST.

KARKAT: NOTHING GOOD HAS EVER COME OF ME BEING IN CHARGE OF JACK DICK.

KARKAT: TO BE HONEST, I THINK JANE WINNING THE PRESIDENCY MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME?

KARKAT: EVERY TIME I’VE EVER TRIED TO "LEAD" ANYTHING IT’S BLOWN UP IN MY FACE.

KARKAT: DID YOU KNOW THAT WHEN I WAS A WRIGGLER I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE THE GUY TO LEAD ALL OF MY FRIENDS TO GLORY?

KARKAT: I LITERALLY FOUGHT PEOPLE FOR CONTROL OF THE TEAM, AND WHAT ENDED UP HAPPENING WAS LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS BESIDES KANAYA DIED.

KARKAT: ACTUALLY, SHE DID DIE!

KARKAT: FUCK!

KARKAT: I’M ZERO FOR ZERO!

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that

KARKAT: NO.

KARKAT: MY POINT IS, THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE SCENARIO FOR ME. I DON’T EVEN LIKE EARTH THAT MUCH.

ROXY: well ur lucky i guess

KARKAT: NO, I’M NOT--FUCK. I’M NOT TRYING TO BRAG ABOUT IT!

KARKAT: I’M JUST SAYING, DON’T WASTE YOUR SYMPATHY ON ME.

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED.

KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

ROXY: fucked up if tru

KARKAT: WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A LITERAL UNIVERSE-SHATTERING WAR FOR THE CONTINUATION OF OUR RACES, AND DAVE AND I JUST SPENT THREE YEARS CLIMBING UP EACH OTHER’S NOOKS AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. AND I GUESS ALSO SAVING PARADOX SPACE.

ROXY: so what ur saying is love can bloom even on the battlefield

KARKAT: I GUESS.

ROXY: so...u want pancakes?

KARKAT: YEAH. OKAY.